What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 08:00
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He knew the spot.
We were not on the streets..
What was the worst decision you ever did?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I never cut or harmed myself..
She wouldn,t have been !
Why do Indian parents force their kids to do stuff?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
One cannot live in the past .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Why do women wear less clothes compared to men?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But, we were locked up after school.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Why is the word "democracy" not in the preamble of the US Constitution?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
What is the worst thing your sibling has done?
Especially a lifetime of it.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
This is soul school!.
What does it mean when you dream that your mother died?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She was in good health!
What is Quora? Are there any tips?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Why do companies cull employees during financial downturns without saying so?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But it wasn’t much.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Why cant a narcissist admit when they are wrong?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Which feels physically better for guys: vaginal sex or anal sex?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Im still living with it.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
We all went to grammer schools
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
It was going to be , some day.
Put me off passion for life!!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
As i do to all so called friends.?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I don,t even have a pension.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I was very sick at this time too.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
So whats the point in blame.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I was scared of men, in general
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
All the time i was locked up.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And i lived it daily.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I have no regrets .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But ive been too sick for many years..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She loved him until the end.
My life is so biszare .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
What did i know ?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I will be 64.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I was seconnd youngest,
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Who then, do I blame.?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I could never make a relationship work though!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She married twice! .
I write beautiful poetry .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Comes on , in middle age.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
My family never makes their pension either.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She found it foreign!.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
So, i spoilt her more .
Ive learnt so much.
I waited trembling.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I was 9 years of age.
Would this be the day?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I think the readers, may guess!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I said to her
(And it was in our own minds.)
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
When she asked me how she looked .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.